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How to be too kind can lead women to emotional burnout!



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The next day, my sister, Amelia went to the hospital for fear that she was going to die, I began like any other. Alarm went off at 6:30 am, and after wolfing down breakfast, she ran out the door to work 8am.

At the age of 32 at the time and associate professor of music at the University of the United States, its sixty hours a week of training does not participate without a lunch break – instead she was killed in a revision to its forthcoming doctoral exams.

After lunch, take-away, evening concerts and rehearsals brief conversation with her husband on their output a break with his three teenage children, she finally fell into bed, exhausted. Lying in the dark, her mind buzzing. And two hours of her sleeping tablets induced sleep, Amelia woke up in excruciating pain. Sharp jolts of agony pierced her stomach, leaving her breathless and panicked.

Twins Emily and Amelia Nagoski, pictured, identical twins, but Emily was gone, never spent a day in the hospital, while her sister, Amelia, however, was suffering from health problems

Twins Emily and Amelia Nagoski, pictured, identical twins, but Emily was gone, never spent a day in the hospital, while her sister, Amelia, however, was suffering from health problems

She was taken to hospital, where doctors found her white-cell count is five times higher than it should be – a sign the immune system has been under incredible stress. She was in hospital for four days. But tests have revealed nothing more, and she was sent home.

However, a year later, she returned to the hospital, this time with a catalog of ailments, including back pain, asthma, severe depression and a sudden attack of acute appendicitis.

I am a twin Amelia and I am always the picture of health. At 41, I've never been in the hospital. So why is the body of Amelia's broken and my brand new? As health educator and biologist, armed with decades of research, I believe I have the answer.

It is a & # 39; Java, which is called "burn-out", which affects each year half a million Britons with the victims mostly women and 40 percent more likely to suffer not because of any fundamental biological differences between men and women, but because of the way male and female roles in society has evolved.

Fatigue destroys the immune system

Amelia¿s ¿cascade¿ damaging symptoms was associated with emotional stress she dealt with day-to-day

Amelia "Cascade" with damaging symptoms was associated with emotional stress she dealt with day-to-day

In addition to feelings of helplessness, the physical effects of burnout can be disastrous. The increased release of stress hormones leads to chronic high blood pressure, putting excess strain on the heart. The immune system functioning, tissue repair and digestive organs all "suspended", increasing the risk of fatal infections.

It is my belief that Amelia "Cascade" with damaging symptoms was associated with emotional stress she had to deal with every day.

Our study showed burnout is not only associated with increased risk of developing mental disorders – such as anxiety and depression – but it may be the reason why thousands of women end up in the hospital with physical problems ranging from chronic pain and digestive problems to infertility and migraine. You can even advance to get rid of the martyrs of dangerous infections such as appendicitis – as it was with Amelia.

Burnout damp down the immune system, allowing infections, which are usually quenched flourish.

A Dutch study found those with burnout were four times more likely to suffer from gastroenteritis – an inflammation of the intestine due to a bacterial or viral infection.

You get stuck in a cycle of non-stop effort

Do you have a man syndrome donor?

One of the main drivers of the epidemic in the female burnout curse "man syndrome Giver». Disease, suffered by millions of women is rooted in the belief that one should prioritize the needs of others and to protect them from the negative emotions. If you answered yes to two or more of these questions, you may be suffering, too …

1. Do you think you have a moral obligation to your partner, family & # 39; s or the world to be happy, calm, generous and considerate of others?

2. Do you think that it is not able to put the other first makes you a failure as a man?

3. Do you have feelings of guilt, pointing ambitions?

4. Do you feel confident woman as a "power"?

5. You see, all of the above, as usual?

Burnout occurs when the body and the brain is a biological stress for a long period of time, as was the case with Amelia.

The purpose of the stress center of the brain to arm us with the physiological means to avoid or fight, faced with the threat of death. body normally performs this function perfectly.

The problem is that such an extreme reaction is caused by the fact that we perceive as a threat. Thousands of years ago, they were really dangerous to life (a hungry lion, for example), but is now perceived threat is likely to be the evil master, or mountain accounts. Our body jumps to the same physical reaction. Adrenaline hormone pushes blood into our muscles and our vital organs, which allows us to work faster and fiercer struggle. Endorphins are released to relieve pain sensitivity and the blood rushes to the brain that makes us alert and hyper-vigilant. Systems that are not from the & # 39 are a priority – the immune, digestive and reproductive – suppressed.

The human body is designed to work only in this state temporarily. In the past, a lion escape, we took a relaxing sigh of relief, grateful living. Natural stress cycle was completed.

But what happens when a lion comes back every morning in your office? We are stuck in the middle of the cycle. The body and the brain to remain locked in a state of fear. Day after day.

Women put others before themselves

The main difference between Amelia and me – and a key factor in its burn – is what I call "the human giver syndrome", where someone keeps on giving to others (in terms of time, emotional support and assistance), but do not expect anything in return. As a result, they end up stuck in the middle of the cycle of stress, both physically and emotionally, before they burn out of steam, resulting in a cascade of physical consequences.

According to Emily, in the photo, the main difference between her and her sister, Amelia, "a donor human syndrome" and will continue to give to others without asking anything in return

According to Emily, in the photo, the main difference between her and her sister, Amelia, "a donor human syndrome" and will continue to give to others without asking anything in return

Our research has shown thousands of women have been victims of this evil, believing that they must keep their negative emotions to himself in an effort to improve the lives of others.

This is because girls are brought up to be calm, attentive and helpful to others at all times, but the boys, to a lesser extent. Recently, the Canadian study found women's tendency to let others take the focus has resulted in missed opportunities of work and devastating physical consequences – including cardiovascular disease and immune problems.

From an early age, Amelia – like most women – was a "people pleaser", concealing his anger or grief, so as not to disturb others. I saw how different from other girls for my unwillingness to fit in. Ironically, the unique features that made me feel strange, like a teenager may at some point, to save my life.

Sometimes we need to take care of themselves

No one has the unlimited ability to take care of others has a negative impact on their well-being without him.

When we feel stress on behalf of other people, we do not accept it as "irrational", and is unlikely to give yourself time to deal with the emotional fallout.

According to Emily, left, half of all physicians and nurses suffer from "compassion fatigue"

According to Emily, left, half of all physicians and nurses suffer from "compassion fatigue"

This creates a voltage overload in the emotional centers of the brain, which reduces empathy, something psychologists call "compassion fatigue", a precursor to burnout.

Research shows half of all nurses and doctors show worrying signs of sympathy and those affected have higher rates of alcoholism, drug addiction, headaches and high blood pressure.

For Amelia, emotional instability adolescents injuries HER stepchildrens & # 39; in conjunction with the care of sick relatives and friends sent her into a spiral of mental disorder.

Women simmer with anger unreleased

In psychology, there is found a syndrome called "good girl complex. Just as women are raised to put others first, they said, to be beautiful and happy, too.

Research shows girls are more adept at recognizing the emotions of other people, but worse than that of men is negative.

Men, on the other hand, are much more likely than women to answer unfortunately anger or aggression. This puts women at a disadvantage, as the anger act as a fast, efficient way to complete the cycle of effort.

Instead, many women go decades incomplete stress response cycle boiling away in our chemistry.

Emily and Amelia, in the photo, the two wrote a book about his experiences

Emily and Amelia, in the photo, the two wrote a book about his experiences

We need more sleep, but can not eliminate it

Scientists know, six to eight hours of sleep per night to & # 39 is the key to a healthy immune function, metabolism, memory, reduce inflammation and repair cells.

But women are 50 percent more likely than men to suffer from insomnia and have a 20 percent increased risk of sleep disorders.

After several years of practice activities such as meditation, exercise and time off from work, I saw Amelia improve her physical health. It is healthier, smarter and happier than it was in the 20s.

Use our evidence-based techniques that helped her, and you could be too.

  • Burnout: The secret to stress the decision cycle, and Emily Amelia Nagoski (Vermilion, £ 16,99).

How to defeat the epidemic burnout

Perform the exercises in bed …

The most effective way to end the stress response cycle of physical activity. Anything that moves your body is enough to make you breathe deeply for about 20 minutes a day will do.

Try sitting in a chair or in bed, and on several occasions straining the muscles for 20 seconds, then shaking it with a big exhale.

Talk with other passengers

People use their social connections to other people, to regulate emotions, and it does not refer to friends, colleagues and family & # 39; and, but strangers, too. Studies show that people who engage in casual conversation with other passengers of the train feel more happy and healthy during the day, compared with mute commuter.

Watch the film of tear Jerker

Watching the characters in the film sugary experience complex emotions helps your mind and body in order to treat them too. One study, conducted by psychologists from the University of South Florida has estimated 3,000 episodes of crying and found to boost the supply of 60 to 70 percent of people after they shed tears.

Daydream … every two hours

The brain does not "switch off" during dreams. In fact, "the network is the default mode" perform important tasks, including events of the day and plans for the future. Continued activation of this network improves cognitive ability, creativity and general happiness. Set your mind on a specific task to dreaming activities, including play games on your phone every two hours.

Cook or shop every day

Studies show that the time spent cooking, preparation or shopping for food can have a meditative effect on the brain, relaxing the body. It also serves to connect the body and mind, distracted by the buzz, the sad thoughts.

Rest … 42 percent of the time

Studies show that spending 42 percent of your leisure time provides an optimal functioning of the immune, digestive and hormonal systems. It is approximately ten hours out of every 24. That sounds a lot, but unskilled, routine tasks are included; physical activity, stress reduces the conversations and take a bath, for example.

Kiss .. for six seconds and hugs for 20

US psychologist John Gottman tells us that the most powerful kiss lasts exactly six seconds. This is the ideal amount of proximity to signal to your body that you are safe and your loved one. And at least 20 seconds, hugs you need to lower your blood pressure, heart rate, and increase the release of "happy" hormones.

Hugging someone for 20 seconds, can lower blood pressure, heart rate and increase the release of "happy" hormones

Hugging someone for 20 seconds, can lower blood pressure, heart rate and increase the release of "happy" hormones

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